Maybe Manifestation Is Real

When I was a kid my mother would say if I was to set my mind in something I’d attain it somehow, the “universe” would take care of the rest. As an edgy contrarian I dimissed this ridiculous idea. How does a want materialise? It’s just a feeling, something that only I know exists - how would an external agent interface with my mind? Then some coincidences started piling up, from a PS2 memory stick to a router I really wanted - the former I found while I was riding my bike on a dirt road and latter was to me for free by a teacher of mine at high school. “Coincidence” I thought, after all, how many things did I really want which I never obtained? I attributed it to the Baader-Meinhof phenomenom, or something of the sorts.

Fast forward a decade later, a litte more than I year ago I suffered a heartbreak which has revealed a rather anxious-obsessive side of me - the relationship was of great importance for me and kind of a guiding post, once it was gone I fell into a hole. This made me ponder upon the whole relationship and this woman constantly. Part of why I’m very far away from home is that woman - first I wanted to be near her, then I wanted to escape my usual life. In hindsight, maybe it was not the wisest thing ever: as a result the source of all my actions are her, therefore all that I do subsequently I associate with her, and it all adds up to a mass of ridiculous feeling which is impossible to ignore in my day to day. So I’ve been thinking about her constantly, even if it has been more than a year. Sometimes, I would feel overwhelmed by my emotions: from anger to guilt. Sometimes I’d reminisce but more often I’d reproach.

But one thing that is surreal is most times these episodes of strong emotions occurs she reaches out to me in a short time window of time. One time I had a significant dream featuring her and during the day she sent me an email - we had not exchanged any message in a long time and when we did I exploded in anger and namecalled her, and pleaded for her to never interact with me again. Can humans be synchronised emotionally with such precision? Maybe it was simply a freak occurrance, just a coincidence… after all I attribute everything to her - and I just happen to be suffering a case of survivorship bias. I take this into account and wonder: is this the product of two flawed individuals with attachment issues, a spiritual link, or manifestation? During these exchanges she said she feels a similar connection, spiritual of sorts. I wish I could’ve known more about what she feels, too bad I exploded in a terrible fashion this time which didn’t grant me enough time to ask composed questions. Sometimes thoughts about her creep in out of thin air, it may be her that is thinking about me hard enough to implant her presence in my mind, somehow. I wonder if sometimes when I go up this ladder of emotions as I ponder my current state am I implanting myself in her mind? It sure does feel that way.

Are we not all familiar with jinxing stuff? We are all rational yet we rather not touch upon a topic as that may bring us an undesired outcome. I don’t know if it is a learned reflex or an instinctive thing, but I’m sure we are all familiar with this eerie feeling that comes after expressing something about a desired outcome before archieving it brings. A way to counter arrogance - to cull society’s outliers maybe? Maybe a self-savotage mechanism that works in favour for our species. A paranormal phenomenom - maybe related to all this manifestation mess mayhaps. A friend of mine swears that positive affirmations - she always urges me to use possitive language when I make edgy jokes - work, her close family had had good experiences with this and often quotes certain “studies” that point towards the validity of manifestation and pairing it with quantum entanglement.

Currently, I’m definetly ignorant on the matter. I’ll consider reading about it when I have more time.