My Definition of Love

When I respect, admire, a woman then I am in love. It doesn’t need to be a woman I find particularly attractive… just be presentable. I guess I’m one of those “personality” guys? No, that can’t be it. I’m convinced most people never get to really admire their partners - they just don’t know any better. For example, I never was a book guy. I fall asleep from most books but I really would like to have a stack of interesting read books to show off, and when a woman can naturally do what I wanted to do I automatically gain respect for her. Since it’s such a difficult endeavour to me I look up to whoever puts up with the resistance I encounter. Classic literature readers are my favourites - I don’t like erotica readers. Another example: abstract thought. I think I’m a bit basic in that realm. I can conjure up a few things here and there but I compare myself to certain people I’ve talked to and my thought is very simplistic in comparison - I’m also quite certain I’m low IQ. So, when I see a woman talking about nihilism, existentialism, whatever, I find that very attractive. I guess -for me- it’s all connected to our deficiencies and insecurities. Honestly, I can’t picture myself liking another kind of woman, even if she was a 10/10.

For some time I spoke to a woman I initially found very attractive. She was well read - she was studying English literature - and had a way with her words. I found myself attracted to her even though I didn’t know much about her -not even her looks,- until she started revealing more about herself. Then I lost the attraction. She was a mess that couldn’t compose herself if she wanted to anymore, so far gone my savior complex was telling me to bail. Is there a pattern to what we deem dealbreakers as there is for what we find attractive? I don’t know yet, I haven’t found the answer.

But I do think real love is about synergy, mutual complementation, mutual respect, which is beyond surface level factors like looks, money, status.